Quotes & Jokes by Carol Leifer / page 2
Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.
You know what bugs me? When a woman is expecting and her bonehead husband runs around going, "We're pregnant!" We're pregnant. Yeah, and my balls itch pal.
I recently became vegan because I felt that as a Jewish lesbian, I wasn't part of a small enough minority. So now I'm a Jewish lesbian vegan.
Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one-except the Lord."
I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.
Sex when you’re married is like going to a 7-Eleven. There’s not as much variety, but at three in the morning, it’s always there.
She reminds me of Roseanne before she was discovered. Darlene has that same clear point of view and a very dry, take-charge kind of attitude.
I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.'
Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases.
Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.
All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.
The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was "Hang up, I got it!"
Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.
Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.