Quotes & Jokes by Carol Leifer / page 4
You can never go wrong betting on Americans' bad eating habits. So I've made a ton investing in all fast food chains, while at the same time investing in Dockers, spandex, Spanx, and sweatpants. Basically, anything with an elastic waistband is a goldmine.
When you're single again, at the beginning you're very optimistic and you say, "I want to meet someone who's really smart, really sweet, really sensitive". And six months later you're like, "Lord, any mammal with a day job".
I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.
I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time.
As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.
I've seen too many comics who got their own shows and were undone because they worked for an executive producer who didn't understand their comedy or their sensibility.
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.
I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.
My kind of gay, meeting a woman and falling in love, is a different experience because it wasn't anything about 'Oh, I've always been gay and I'm breaking the chains.'
They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.