Quotes & Jokes by Chris Hardwick / page 4

This was in the 80's, when you couldn't just take a pill the next day to Control + Z that shit.

Mainstream culture is like your mom: It’s always a little late to catch on and gets easily confused by technology, but it means well.

Hang out with the worst people imaginable while they’re all in “fuck it!” mode - Vegas!

I get stressed out hearing Lindsey Buckingham talk about those days cause what I'm thinking... I don't know how he can't go 'And that's right before Mick Fleetwood fucked my girlfriend.

Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.

You don’t have to go from zero to… the Dos Equis guy. You can take smaller steps.

You don't have to believe everything you think.

I couldn't do sports and so in my head I was like, 'Ladies will see my hand to hand dexterity and they will want these hands inside them.' First of all, flawed, you're juggling balls.

I have the greatest respect for your culture; I think you guys do it properly. You have your three or four kids and then you slow down so you can enjoy your late teens.

Worry is a misuse of your imagination.

Rats are just Ziploc bags full of disease.

When I was in grade school I was into chess club, Latin club, D&D, computer camp - everything that made vaginas go away.

Never go online to self-diagnose. Ever. Don’t fucking do it.

Be offended by everything or be offended by nothing.