Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 6
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club.
I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.
There's a lot of racism going on. Who's more racist, black people or white people? It's black people! You know why? Because we hate black people too! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people really don't like about black people.
Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.
Do you know? What the fuck do women want? l know what you want: everything.
America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.
Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
You want to track Hollywood careers, look in the real estate section. You see a guy buy a house that costs $6 million, and you can literally start counting the days until he starts doing crappy movies.