Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 7
You want to track Hollywood careers, look in the real estate section. You see a guy buy a house that costs $6 million, and you can literally start counting the days until he starts doing crappy movies.
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads. I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to Los Angeles, stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared.
My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
It's just sad to see some white person trying to do a nigger-less rendition of a Dr. Dre song. It's just fuckin' depressing.
That's right, "tell your mama", "tell your mama", "tell your mama" … nobody tells daddy shit!
A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.
Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
How do I say this without sounding like an egomaniac? I don't know a comedian that sells more seats than me in the red states and blue states, so I don't see where I have to change that much.