Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 7

Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.

I never wanted to churn it out. Comedians tend to work all the time. They never put it down like musicians who might make an album then take three or four years off to recharge their batteries. Comedians tend to work straight through and they get stale because of that. Even when I didn't have a lot of money I never ever did it unless I had something new to say.

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

You know the only thing you can do to stop your man from cheating? The only thing you can do … is be there. Where? There! Wherever he's thinking about fucking, that's it. Just be right there. And even then he still might lose your ass. He's like, "Honey, look! A Sale! Let me go fuck this bitch right now!"

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

I just remember that whenever I got really mad or passionate, like in an argument, people would laugh, and I'd be dead serious. It would happen a lot. So it was like, "Gee, I've got something here."

No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'

If it's all white, it's all right!

I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that.

It's hard for a man to turn down sex … if they chase us, we can't run that fast.

I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads. I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to Los Angeles, stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared.

How do I say this without sounding like an egomaniac? I don't know a comedian that sells more seats than me in the red states and blue states, so I don't see where I have to change that much.

Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.

It's got some heart, but it's got hard jokes. I care more about the hard jokes than the heart.

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.