Quotes & Jokes by Colin Quinn / page 3

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

I like guy stuff.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.

With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.

I always wanted to write as much as perform.

I was a class clown.

If it had just been some femme fatale, I think this whole thing could have been settled. You know, if it had just been like a beautiful woman.

We battled well and it was an excellent win.

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.