Quotes & Jokes by Dana Gould / page 20
I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.
"Scatterbrain" is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description.
One of the coolest things about the word "boobs" is, when you look at it, it has boobs.
Alien abductions. I don't believe in them because it's always the same circumstances, the same type of people, the same situations. It's never a black guy; it's never a Hispanic guy; it's never a physicist from the Netherlands - it's always some dumb white fuck in the middle of nowhere.
Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.
One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.