Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 9
You know what you were doing while the priest was doing his little peace rap? You were looking around for the people whose hands you were not going to shake. This was church, and you're like, 'No, fuck that guy.'
Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.
If you’re “willing to die” for a cause you should really find some other less potential death related interests.
How do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions.
I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.
When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you."
I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
When you swear to God, its true. Right now God is watching and saying, "this is true."
If you're saying what are penguins like, they're a bit persnickety, I'll say that... Um, thank you, I have a thesaurus in my house.
Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!