Quotes & Jokes by David Cross / page 5

Originally they wanted me to be Buster but I really like the Tobias part.

If the owner hadn't come and seen the smoke, by time this place opened tonight it would have been rolling.

I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.

At that point, we worked to contain the fire from the outside.

I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original thing which I thought was funny.

I thought it would be way more interesting to show the drunk people, the hecklers.

There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views.

I know that can hit close to home for some people....was anyone here aborted?... 'I was found in a trash can!' Okay, well, that sorta counts...

Because I think whenever you sit down with another human being who would absolutely disagree with you on every issue, you learn about them as a person and you relate, in human terms, and it's much more difficult for either side to dismiss out of hand, like that person's a freak, that person's a Nazi.

I don't think HBO would want to do anything in conjunction with Sub Pop but I never asked either.

I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.

I guess the lesson to be learned from the church is that while homosexuality is a sin against God, molestation and rape, well... they're just sins against a child.

I'm going to be putting together a tour, where myself and some like-minded comics go out.

I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous.

I love Tinkle, it's really the most fun I've had in years.