Quotes & Jokes by Demetri Martin / page 33
The definition of "adventure" depends upon how boring your life is.
I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I’m completely disconnected.
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy - location, location, location.
Hey I was just wondering. Are you doing push ups with your knees down? Because I’m not sure if this is working out.
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
I was in a card store and there were these cards that said "Get well soon." Fuck that! Get well *now*!
I am often the one they call “You,” but I am no more “You” than you. I am me. And yet I am more “Me” than you are me or can ever be.
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.