Quotes & Jokes by Dennis Miller / page 7
I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting pageantry of the adjective and the flitting evanescence of the adverb, all kept safe and orderly by those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks. Wow! Think I got my ass kicked in high school?
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
There should be some kind of dedication of a portion of the funds to Town Center.
Was watching CNN one night, the first Gulf War, they are sitting around in the Baghdad hotel, the No Roof Inn or something, and they're watching "the Bachelor," and it's a little harder for the bachelor over there because it's tough to tell who's hot under the Burqua. They had just ordered some hummuus and smores from room service and all of a sudden a gallaga game broke out.
If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
We're not allowed to do anything to nature anymore, except look at it. It's like porn with leaves.
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me.
It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!