Quotes & Jokes by Dennis Miller / page 7
Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.
If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text version of it somewhere a day later, that would be great.
Was watching CNN one night, the first Gulf War, they are sitting around in the Baghdad hotel, the No Roof Inn or something, and they're watching "the Bachelor," and it's a little harder for the bachelor over there because it's tough to tell who's hot under the Burqua. They had just ordered some hummuus and smores from room service and all of a sudden a gallaga game broke out.
If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
There should be some kind of dedication of a portion of the funds to Town Center.
We're not allowed to do anything to nature anymore, except look at it. It's like porn with leaves.
Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me.
It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
I was wondering if Circuit City could possibly make their receipts just a little bit longer.