Quotes & Jokes by Dennis Miller / page 8
When it comes down to it, we're really just a big ant farm with beepers.
It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.
If you want somebody to repair your roads, educate your kids, or purify your water supply, you may want to turn to private enterprise, but if you want massive fuckloads of your enemies wiped out in record time, Uncle Sam is the man for you.
I view a visit to the therapist in much the same way that I view a visit to the hairdresser. When I leave the office, my head looks great. Around an hour later it’s all fucked up and I can’t get it to look that way again on my own.
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.
At one time, Washington actually meant something. But now, it's about as relevant as Bob Dylan's tuning fork.
We have now given one of the only 50 states we have to a herd of Simu-Bullwinkles!
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years.