Quotes & Jokes by Donald Glover / page 2

Are their Asian girls here?! Minority report!

I write raps so sometimes I will write them in my iPhone. So I was writing the n-word in my iPhone and my iPhone goes, 'Did you mean niggardly?' And I was like, 'No iPhone. I meant nigger; write it.' But then, two weeks later, I was writing Jigga - which is the shortened form of Jay-Z. And my iPhone goes, 'Did you mean nigger?' And I went, 'Whoa, iPhone. You do not get to say that.'

When you think of the former high school football star, you think 6-foot-2, white, meathead as the model for that kind of character. Since I'm not 6-foot-2 or white, I just thought about what I could bring to it. I thought about Smash Williams from 'Friday Night Lights,' like the cocky quarterback, and played around with that.

You started rapping when you wasn’t good at basketball. I started rapping because I needed Adderall.

If you're on Twitter, what you're saying is, 'I'm important enough for you to care what I think.'

There’s just something about when kids do something, it’s always going to be funny, because kids grow up. Nobody doesn’t grow up, and whatever you do as a kid usually isn’t considered amazing when you’re an adult. A baby changing its own diaper, you’d be like, “That baby is a fucking genius.” But when he’s 27, you’re like, “He shouldn’t be wearing diapers anymore.”

We never went to Toys 'R' Us, we always went to fucking Auschwitz for kids - Home Depot.

Twitter does have an effect on everything - things you put out there, they are out there for good.

Made the beat then murdered it. Casey Anthony.

If you like strange, specific stuff - that's a nerd. Kanye West is a black nerd. He likes strange, specific stuff. If you go up to Kanye West and say, 'Hey, what are your favorite things?' He'll be like, 'Robots and teddy bears.' That's a nerd.

May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.

I'd much rather have AIDS than a baby... They're not that different at all. They're both expensive, you have them for the rest of your life, they're constant reminders of the mistakes you've made and once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them.

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.

Yes I'm grown and sexy, and I'm worth the wait. Girls act like I'm the only dude on earth to date.

L.A. is such a different place. I miss New York so much. I almost teared up when I came back and wanted a Guinness and realized I could drink it and take a cab home. I remembered that I could be a functional alcoholic in New York, like I used to be!