Quotes & Jokes by Donald Glover / page 4

You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, and he went on dope adventures, and if anything got in his way, he’d just pee on it.

Culture shock at barber shops cause I ain't hood enough.

What I wanna know is why I never fit in right like a fat dude getting on a packed flight.

I try to be me to the utmost.

They say my public persona don’t have enough appeal, I take a lesson from Kanye and give 'em something real.

I felt like high school for me was like a big whirlpool of me trying to figure out what was OK for me to do.

NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.

Why does every girl in the world wanna date me? Especially right now man, especially when I'm busy!

The worst is feeling worthless.

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle.

Sometimes when jokes fall flat, you feel so alone. You’re like, “Well, I thought this was funny.” Sometimes you can feel really lonely.

My friends come and ask me "Is it worth it?" I say well shit it better be, I did this shit on purpose!

That guy is just a mess, like God spilled a person.

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there.

We put stereotypes on ourselves. Everybody does that. But I think it's just a little harder for black kids to just be who they are.