Quotes & Jokes by Donald Glover / page 4

You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, and he went on dope adventures, and if anything got in his way, he’d just pee on it.

Love it when you're smiling.

The worst is feeling worthless.

I try to be me to the utmost.

They say my public persona don’t have enough appeal, I take a lesson from Kanye and give 'em something real.

The thing about stand-up was, I was doing all this sketch and YouTube stuff where I was not being censored and I got to do my own thing, and it was really cool.

NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.

Culture shock at barber shops cause I ain't hood enough.

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle.

Why does every girl in the world wanna date me? Especially right now man, especially when I'm busy!

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there.

What I wanna know is why I never fit in right like a fat dude getting on a packed flight.

I felt like high school for me was like a big whirlpool of me trying to figure out what was OK for me to do.

That guy is just a mess, like God spilled a person.

Took the G out your waffle all you have left is your ego.