Quotes & Jokes by Donald Glover / page 7

They tell me that they love me... then they try to kiss me.

Never kiss in public, but at home I am affectionate.

You are human tennis elbow. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth. You are the opposite of Batman.

Came on this beat, I ain’t even buy it dinner.

He released Annie's Boobs. Annie's Boobs could be anywhere. Annie's Boobs could be on the streets

Dress like a gentleman, but my mouth is never civilized.

But I just think I was lucky enough to figure out early on that I wanted to do comedy, so that's what I put all my effort into.

Donald Glover staying hotter than some rifle spit

They call me a role model \ <br /> Even though my hand’s glued to that gin bottle

I’d much rather have AIDS than a baby… They’re not that different, you guys… They’re both expensive. You have them for the rest of your life. They’re constant reminders of the mistakes you’ve made. And once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them. What’s the difference?

People watching me, I feel like Amber Rose’s tits

I used to hate these haters, now its just the opposite

I change the situation like I’m auditioning for Jersey Shore.

My uncle put his finger in my no-no!

Shit just got real like Pinocchio turds