Quotes & Jokes by Frankie Boyle / page 3
(Unlikely lines to hear on a TV Show ) Welcome to Blind Date with me , Stevie Wonder.
Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two.
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!
( Unlikely letters for an agony aunt to receive ) I would like to trace my father , could you suggest a good marker pen ?
I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.
I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota.
On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.
They’ve bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they’ve put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don’t have to wake anybody up!
Breaking News : Prince Harry met some children yesterday who`d been blown up in landmines. "How do you cope being legless everyday?" the kids asked Harry.
I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.
[If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months] How long is a Scottish winter?
Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he’s in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.
It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.