Quotes & Jokes by Frankie Boyle / page 4
My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory...He's a spastic.
What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!
( Unlikely letters for an agony aunt to receive ) I would like to trace my father , could you suggest a good marker pen ?
(Unlikely lines to hear on a TV Show ) Welcome to Blind Date with me , Stevie Wonder.
Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back?<br /> My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.
Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.
When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.
I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!
Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.
I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.