Quotes & Jokes by Frankie Boyle / page 4
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!
[If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months] What is Stephen Hawking's personal best for the London marathon?
( Unlikely things for the Queen to include in her Christmas speech ) I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm now so old that my pussy is haunted.
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you’ve ever been there, you’ll realize that that’s maybe a bit long.
RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they’ve launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.
Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.
The only award I've been nominated for is a Scottish BAFTA. A Scottish BAFTA, it's like hearing that the animals have their own Olympics. You hear all this stuff about TV being faked. Of course it's faked. It's all faked. That documentary a couple of weeks ago about tribal warfare among monkeys, that was all filmed in a Yates wine lodge in Dundee. Comic Relief is faked. Everybody in Africa is fine.
[If this is the answer, what is the question: Up To 18 Months] How long is a Scottish winter?
Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.
I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.
The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
My Gran said to me, “Young men of today just aren’t as polite and charming as they were when I was young”.<br /> I had to explain, “That’s because they aren’t trying to fuck you now.”
The thing I don't get about paedophilia... Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?
I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we’re taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.