Quotes & Jokes by Frankie Boyle / page 4
( Unlikely letters for an agony aunt to receive ) I would like to trace my father , could you suggest a good marker pen ?
Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.
RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they’ve launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.
Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That’s probably how David knows that there’s a World Cup coming up.
They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.
I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.
I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.
Apparently they're going to bring in Super Asbos. But Asbos already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them Gaybos or Bender Badges.
Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back?<br /> My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.
When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.
What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!
Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!
Does anyone actually think that Beckham knows he’s in America? I think he just follows a football and all he notices is that it occasionally gets warmer.