Quotes & Jokes by Frankie Boyle / page 5
Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That’s probably how David knows that there’s a World Cup coming up.
I'm sick to fucking death of skinheads queue jumping at Disneyland!
They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.
Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I’m surprised she hasn’t joined them!
As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.
Apparently they're going to bring in Super Asbos. But Asbos already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them Gaybos or Bender Badges.
Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back?<br /> My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.
When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.
What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!