Quotes & Jokes by Fred Allen / page 2

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.