Quotes & Jokes by Fred Allen / page 2

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.