Quotes & Jokes by Fred Allen / page 2

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.