Quotes & Jokes by Fred Allen / page 2

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.