Quotes & Jokes by Fred Allen / page 4

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 pm to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.