Quotes & Jokes by Fred Allen / page 4

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.