Quotes & Jokes by Fred Allen / page 4

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 pm to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.