Quotes & Jokes by Gabriel Iglesias / page 4

When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.

In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible... I don't want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate.

You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!

I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.

I’m not fat. I’m fluffy!

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

And then I realized I was being checked out by guys! And I know they were checking me out, because they were looking at me like I look at tacos. And I thought to myself, "Oh my god, I can turn on a man! Shoot!" And I called my girlfriend, and I said, "Baby, you better not mess this up; I have options!"

I just know you can not be on top forever. There's always going to be the next guy, and if I'm going to go down, I'd like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You can't prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship.

When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, ‘I want to go to that McDonalds.'

For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.

That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don't snap and so I don't go off the handle when I get home.

I don't get controversial, I don't get political and I don't tell you what to do with your life. I just go out there and tell some stories, and people can relate.

I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences. I cross the board.

For this being the holiday season everyone at the mall is pissed. Time to shop online.