Quotes & Jokes by Gabriel Iglesias / page 4

Every night, it’s a bakery on the bus. It’s a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring me cake. And now I just found out I’m diabetic, so I’m like, are you kidding me?!

I'm a big guy, but I'm really simple with the food. I'll hit the In-N-Out or just the regular buffets.

I don't get controversial, I don't get political and I don't tell you what to do with your life. I just go out there and tell some stories, and people can relate.

I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences. I cross the board.

My nosey neighbor called the cops on me for making too much noise during football. Is fluffy gonna have to open up a can whop ass?

I’m not fat. I’m fluffy!

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.

For this being the holiday season everyone at the mall is pissed. Time to shop online.

You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!

In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible... I don't want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate.

I almost bought a DeLorean the other day just because. If I see something that I think is cool and I like it, I'll go for it.

When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, ‘I want to go to that McDonalds.'

I'm always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that's off stage. People know when it's fake.

For the level of entertainment you get for the ticket, it's a solid show.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.