Quotes & Jokes by Gabriel Iglesias / page 4
And then I realized I was being checked out by guys! And I know they were checking me out, because they were looking at me like I look at tacos. And I thought to myself, "Oh my god, I can turn on a man! Shoot!" And I called my girlfriend, and I said, "Baby, you better not mess this up; I have options!"
When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.
I don't get controversial, I don't get political and I don't tell you what to do with your life. I just go out there and tell some stories, and people can relate.
I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences. I cross the board.
For this being the holiday season everyone at the mall is pissed. Time to shop online.
You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!
I almost bought a DeLorean the other day just because. If I see something that I think is cool and I like it, I'll go for it.
When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.
My nosey neighbor called the cops on me for making too much noise during football. Is fluffy gonna have to open up a can whop ass?
In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible... I don't want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate.
When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, ‘I want to go to that McDonalds.'
I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.