Quotes & Jokes by Gabriel Iglesias / page 5
I'm always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that's off stage. People know when it's fake.
I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles... they don't have one that says 'oops.'
I almost bought a DeLorean the other day just because. If I see something that I think is cool and I like it, I'll go for it.
Some comics don't like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes I'm going to do.
Believe it or not, I've got a really bad metabolism. One burger and I'm done. I'm not a guy that puts away 10 burgers.
When you leave, you basically want to go eat, because I talk a lot about food in my act. So when you leave, you leave hungry.
I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen.
Honestly, you got to take care of the people that take care of you. I know that sounds like cliche, or borderline phony, but that's the case. The reason I've had the fans that I have is because I've been consistent over the years and kept coming back and doing the same runs. I'm never going to stop doing the cities I've gone through. I'm only going to add.
I’m always ready for TV. I don’t have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.
I started riding the whole 'fluffy' train, and it's a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl 'fat,' yo, she'll raise hell, but if you say, 'Aw girl, look at you, you're fluffy,' there's almost a sexy appeal to it.
I wanted to be a comedian, and this is what I'm doing. If I can keep this going, I'm happy.
My nosey neighbor called the cops on me for making too much noise during football. Is fluffy gonna have to open up a can whop ass?