Quotes & Jokes by Groucho Marx / page 4

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.