Quotes & Jokes by Jackie Mason / page 4

While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.

A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.

I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values to contribute to the world. It would be a much better world, a much more peaceful and non-violent world if we lived by Jewish values.

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.