Quotes & Jokes by Jay Leno / page 15
Be honest. How many of you never heard of Marco Rubio until last night? How many thought Marco Rubio was a game you played in a pool with the kids?
A survey has shown that the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. Something to keep in mind next time you're looking for a used car.
Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war.
Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.' Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it.
Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new Constitution? Why not just give them ours? We're not using it anymore.
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take "a harder stance" on the death penalty. What's a harder stance on the death penalty? We're already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair?
There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.
In a speech yesterday John Kerry said that before November he may go to Iraq. Is that a good idea for him to go to Iraq? You thought Bush didn't have a reason to bomb Iraq before.
A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up.