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Jim Carrey Quotes & Jokes

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My report card always said, "Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students."

I wanted to be a veterinarian for about a week of my life when I was a kid. But I found out about the whole euthanasia thing and I said, "I can't commit to that, sorry!"

Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number still 911? Aaaalrighty then.

Before I do anything, I think, well what hasn't been seen. Sometimes, that turns out to be something ghastly and not fit for society. And sometimes that inspiration becomes something that's really worthwhile.

Those times in life when you're terrified are the mastery times.

Originality is really important.

Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I'm so wrapped up in my work that it's often impossible to consider other things in my life. My marriage ended in divorce because of this, my relationship with Holly has suffered by this.

Most of the time I live with my pain. I have pain but I won't show it around. I think that's the nobility of the character. There's something noble in not spewing on people all the time about your problems. I'm the light guy, so I identified.

I love playing ego and insecurity combined.

I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of the day when I'm alone and don't have to be performing.

If you've got a talent, protect it.

I used to draw a lot. If my mother would ask me to do something else, I'd have a hairy conniption. I'd just go crazy.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

Wake up, little snoozy. Smell the smelling salts? Ha ha ha. I'll juice ya up.

I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!

Green Eggs and Ham was the story of my life. I wouldn't eat a thing when I was a kid, but Dr. Suess inspired me to try cauliflower.

Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain't desperate at some point, you ain't interesting.

That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, "Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down."

I don't think anybody should go through life without a team of psychologists. I have been through times when I'm literally squatting in the living room, having one of those open-throated cries, where you're crying all the way to your butthole. I always believed I would come out of it, though.

He who hesitates, masturbates.

50 years: here's a time when you have to separate yourself from what other people expect of you, and do what you love. Because if you find yourself 50 years old and you aren't doing what you love, then what's the point?

I have been the guy who has everything but yet is so one-track minded about what I want, that I can't see my blessings.

I love playing ego and insecurity combined.