Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 6
Being single at 41 after ten years of marriage and two kids is difficult. That’s like having a bunch of money in the currency of a country that doesn’t exist anymore.
Nobody ever wins an argument. Nobody ever goes, 'Oh, I'm wrong.' Somebody eventually just goes, 'Shut up. We gotta eat, so let's shut up for minute.'
It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.
It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.
I remember the day I saw my hair was thinning. I don't remember caring much. I don't care. It's just hair. It never bothered me much. I was pretty young, too. And it happened and is happening very slowly. I have a feeling dead people get really mad when we complain about losing hair.
I don't like waking up. I feel like staying in bed usually, but I can't because I've got two kids standing next to my bed, just eager to live another day.
I like New York. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, 'Hey, that's mine. Don't pee on that.'
I love being married, it's great, but I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, 'What's wrong with you?' And I'm like, 'I know! Damn it! Argh!' She wins most of them anyway. I might as well be on the winning side occasionally.
I've started to kind of hate people, and it's not because I have anything against them. It's just, I enjoy it. It's recreation.
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people.
Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it.
I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system.