Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 7
When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.
Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people.
I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.
First of all, I came immediately, and also I started farting as I came. That's how my sex life started. Fucking shame and depression.
I like to talk to strangers. I like to go up to people I don't know and just start conversations with them, just start a conversation. Try it. But the way I do it, don't start the conversation in the beginning, just start it in the middle. Try it. Just go up to somebody you don't know and and just go, 'Well how do you think I felt?'
A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around.
There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say.
If you study something and you find all this stuff about it, you just went skin deep, so if you keep going and going, you should be left with a fucking mess of unanswered questions.
I really love Barack Obama. Sorry if that’s like “Ew. The president. That’s lame.” I love Barack Obama. What a great man. I’m so lucky to have voted for that guy.
People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.
There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.
Very few American parents give a crap about how they raise their kids. They put minimal effort into it. Who told you it’s a good idea to buy a developing mind a video game?
I got tits now, too. I just got tits! That is a fucked up day in a man's life, when you look in the mirror and you realize, "Fuck! I got..." Because you don't see them coming, they're sort of pouting out little by little, and then one day they just fuckin' fall a little and that's it, you have tits. And they're there for good. They're not gonna like go back, it's fucking over.