Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 9
It's like Platoon. You've got all this fucking stuff; you have an impossible amount of shit to carry, and usually, a kid sometimes too. And I see parents all over the place with skinny little ankles and, you know, with no particular features and they just, life's worn them down to a basic like human shape, you know. Their personality and whatever they, the lines in their face and the chiseling is gone. They're just this thing and it's like ant strength, and you just have to, you just have to do it to get through whatever fucking, you know, we've got to get from here to there. And she didn't want to be here any more, and she has to go to the bathroom, and I've got a stroller.
Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me.
Even after 9/11, during the darkest moment of our recent history, the President told us, “Go shopping.” That's how we were told to uphold American values; go out and fucking buy more shit. So what were we supposed to do?
I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.
I’m a vulgar, fucked-up degenerate comedian who did drugs. And I’m connecting with Christian mothers and fathers. I love that. That means so much to me.
There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it.
Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.
I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'
I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.
My last name is Szekely. Sounds like Saykay. When I was a little kid I had an instructor in camp who called me Shnizneckely. He would make fun of my name and it hurt my feelings because I was a little pussy and I cried. He said, 'Well, how do you say it?' I said, Seekay. So he wrote 'C.K' on my jersey and everything. He made my name 'C.K' and I just stuck with it.
Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.
They charged me 15 dollars. That's how much it costs to only have 20 dollars.
It's hard to really look at somebody and go: "Hey, maybe something nice will happen." You just don't - I know too much about life to have any optimism, because I know even if it's nice, it's going to lead to shit. I know that if you smile at somebody and they smile back, you've just decided that something shitty is going to happen.