Martin Lawrence Quotes and Jokes

31 quotes

No one is immune to the trials and tribulations of life.

Sorry, I had told Craig and them I'm gon' kick it with them. Gotta go! See you when I see you!

Somebody put something in his mouth. My zipper's stuck.

Go head on, with yo' fat apple pie ass, Aunt Bea!

Here’s a synonym for procreation... fuck you.

White parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like, 'There... take time out to pick up your teeth.'

I don't want to sound facetious, but humour is the key to the soul. You know what I mean?

I don't live to eat, I eat to live.

There better not be a black person in here that says they don't know nobody in jail... 'cause that's bullshit. Ray-Ray, Earl, Craig, Shorty Tim, Lil' Reg, all them motherfuckers in jail... Shonda's little brother... all of 'em, in jail... chillin'.

You used to be looking good from afar. Now you just far from looking good!

Boxing kept me out of the streets, by giving me something to do. And it gave me a father figure in the coach that was there for me. I just reiterated what my mother was trying to teach me about focusing and getting my life together.

Here goes all these rumors writin' about me. I see on the paper, one of'em says "Martin tries to jump out of a plane using his jacket as a parachute." Now ain't that some bullshit! As I'm trying to get my life together, they're gonna write that bullshit. I know damn well you can't jump out no plane using your jacket as a parachute. Shit, I know you got to use your pants.

On the Wizard of Oz Lion's lookin' for some courage... Tin Man's lookin' for a heart... ain't none of them lookin' for some pussy, and they skippin' down the street with a bitch!

Nobody's ever challenged me and tapped into what I can do. I ain't played a villain which I believe I can do and do real well. There hasn't been any director who has been able to challenge me to go there. At this point in my life I've done a lot of things from stand-up to my own television show for five years to successful comedy shows, and concert films.

God inspired me, because I was blessed with the knowledge that I wanted to do this. And my mother supported it. She said, 'Whatever it is you want to do. If you believe acting or comedy is what you really want to do, I can only tell you it's not easy, it's very hard, but I'll support you.' Her supporting me enabled me to move forward.