Quotes & Jokes by Milton Jones / page 3
Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so…retired mermaids.
"Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family."
"As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye."
You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. (any number) Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.
"I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!"
I’m very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, ‘how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors’. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.
"My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times."