Quotes & Jokes by Ray Romano / page 3

I'm now unemployed. It's a weird feeling with no work, but at least there's still golf. Standup comedy is like my core, it's what I do. But I want to be a pro golfer. It's a love/hate relationship with golf. I can come away feeling so serene, and yet, it's the thing that I can let get to me to throw a club and say curses that don't even exist. I'm obsessed with something that won't let me master it. I don't know. I need therapy.

I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

I wanted to do something different, but it`s a weird transition you`re making here. You`re trying to get the audience to come with you.

He missed a shot and got frustrated and accidentally hit himself on the head with his own putter and needed stitches on the course. It was hysterical. He continued playing. He didn't get hurt. It wasn't serious.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.

I live in L.A. Now.

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want to play a different character.

The fact that they let me in a movie with Gene Hackman has left me with no faith in show buisness.

I like doing film, you know, single-camera.

The married man has all but eliminated that worry from his life, simply because his wife knows all about him: the good, the bad, and the tiny.

In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you're doing.

That’s the one thing I have over any twenty-one-year-old: a proud history of accumulated neuroses. That's the game in which I'm da man.

I want to do well and I want to fit in.