Quotes & Jokes by Richard Pryor / page 2

Comedy rules! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, and there are no rules in stand-up comedy, which I really like. You can do anything you want and you can say anything that comes to mind, just so long as it's funny. If you ain't funny then get the fuck off the stage, it`s that simple.

I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!

White people go; Why you guys hold your things? Cause you done took every thing else, motherfucker!

When you ain't got no money, you gotta get an attitude.

I had a breakup. I decided that I wasn't going to do the sort of routines I was doing anymore. So I went to work, trying to develop the thing I do now.

It's easy to love somebody. Shit, sit with them a little bit and talk to them a while.

Motherfucker looked at me like I owed him money. (on Reagan)

I was brought up in a whorehouse in Peoria. My mother and father lived there and worked there.

There are only two pieces of pussy you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last.

What I'm saying might be profane, but it's also profound.

I couldn't stop drinking until the bartender said, "We got no more fucking liquor! Now take your ass home, pal."

When the show don't be funny, I take my dick out and piss. This is called The Garden Row.

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

There's nothing worse than being an aging young person.

Hawaii is the best form of comfort for me. When I die, I want to be cremated, and I want half my ashes spread in the Pacific around the island, the rest on the property.