Richard Pryor Quotes and Jokes


Bitch was so fine I'd suck her daddy's dick.

I went to the White House, met the president... We in trouble. (on Reagan)

When I hear 'yee-haw!', that scare the shit outta me. Cuz I know what come next. Y'all remember? Y'all's ancestors used to hang us for kicks? ..Muthafuckin on the weekend, hot, couldn't get no pussy? 'Let's go down to the jail, get a couple of them black ones and just string 'em up. ..yeehaww..' ..When I hear that, shit crawl all up and down my neck.

Who you gonna believe, bitch? Me? or your lying eyes?

My father died fucking. He did. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time.

How's my mama? How's your mama? I will slap you in the mouth with my dick.

I was brought up in a whorehouse in Peoria. My mother and father lived there and worked there.

You gotta be cool when you're macho man, cuz you can't be sensitive and care about someone having a good time in bed, cuz that's too scary... When you don't use sensitivity when you're having sex, or share some of your soul, nothing gonna happen, because men really get afraid. Men really get scared in bed.

White people go; Why you guys hold your things? Cause you done took every thing else, motherfucker!

I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!

You don't get to be old bein' no fool...

Fuckin' is good for you, Jack. Gettin' some pussy beats having a war.

When that fire hit your ass, it will sober your ass up quick! I saw something, I went, "Well, that's a pretty blue. You know what? That looks like... FIRE! Fire is inspirational. They should use it in the Olympics, because I ran the 100 in 4.3.

I woke up in an ambulance. And it wasn’t nothing but white people staring at me. I said, “Ain’t this a bitch. I done died and wound up in the wrong muthafucking heaven.”

If you want some pussy, you'll talk all that shit with them. 'Hey, yeah, sure,, the cosmos.. sure..'