Quotes & Jokes by Richard Pryor / page 4

Friends take up time, and I didn't have time.

I couldn't stop. I put the pipe down. It jumped back in my hand.

You work your butt off and somebody says you can't have your record played because it offends them. Tyrants are made of such stuff.

To be diagnosed was the hardest thing because I didn't know what they were talking about... And the doctor said, "Don't worry, in three months you'll know." So I went about my business and then, one day, it jumped me. I couldn't get up... Your muscles trick you; they did me.

Freebase? What's free about it?

Unfortunately, the show's success comes at the expense of its biggest asset -- the comedians themselves.

Imagine people calling you to find out if you're dead. I've led a real crazy life at times, and I've had many strange things happen to me, but that was one of the strangest.

You can have a film and have 200 white people working on it, and nobody finds anything wrong with that. But if you insist on having a black crew, all of a sudden there`s something wrong.

I also say that if there isn't a response to what's been happening to the people out there, there's going to be a great explosion one of these days, and this will not be one of the nicest places to live.

I had to stop drinkin', cuz I got tired of waking in my car driving ninety.

Even when I was a little kid, I always said I would be in the movies one day, and damned if I didn't make it.

Booty is just a ghetto expression, and I'm just a booty star.

Someone called all the newspapers in New York and told them I'd died. I've been told by almost everyone it was an ex-wife - I've had a few so it's hard to pinpoint which one - but who knows for sure?

What I never understand about a hangover is, where does the breath come from? You know what I mean? I mean, is someone shitting in your mouth?

Have you ever noticed how quiet you get when you go in the woods? It's almost like you know that God's there.