Quotes & Jokes by Stephen K. Amos

In Australia you can buy a cheese called ‘coon cheese’, did you hear what I said, ‘coon cheese’!!

Love is like a lost fart… if you have to force it, then it’s probably shit.

I love performing in front of all you wonderful people. But really, this isn’t all that. What I really want is my own show. But the BBC have very strict guidlines about ethnicity. Apparently I’ve got to wait for Lenny Henry to die.

(In response to ‘Things You’re Unlikely to Hear on a Quiz Show’) “Look at what you could have won, if you went to school.”

Christmases were terrible, not like nowadays when kids get everything. My sister got a miniature set of perfumes called ‘Ample’. It was tiny, but even I could see where my dad had scraped off the S.

We had 1 book, the phone book, I’ve read it, it wasn’t a great read, lots of characters, and on the end loads of polish people turn up.