Quotes & Jokes by Jim Norton

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open

There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic

No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

I’m a big fan of talking dirty, but not everyone is good at it. I happen to be very good at it because I’m comfortable. I’ll say something sexy like, “You like that shit!”

For the record, I hate skiing...and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

It's not rape if she blinks twice for yes.

I don't pull out because...it's not my problem.

God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. “You little fat-titted mediocre failure!” You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year’s Eve.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

They don’t tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.

That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.