Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 10

Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I twice failed rather disgracefully.

I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, midlife for an elephant, and ancient for a quarter miler, who's son now says, "Dad, I just can't run the quarter with you anymore unless I bring something to read."

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

It's painful, but we can't heal ourselves unless we cleanse the wounds.

It doesn't have to be that way.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.”

We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

And to those people with no children but who think they'd like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility.