Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 3

You know my father's favorite game? "Come here and pull my finger."

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

It says here that you are a compulsive gambler and that you are wanted by the police. Is this correct?

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

I was lying, of course: that's what parents do best.

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.

In spite of the seven thousands books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and... mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name.

My father walked to school, 4'oclock every morning. With no shoes on. Up a hill, both ways in 5 feet of snow, and he was thankful.

I asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic, he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.