Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 3

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

It says here that you are a compulsive gambler and that you are wanted by the police. Is this correct?

You know my father's favorite game? "Come here and pull my finger."

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

I was lying, of course: that's what parents do best.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

In spite of the seven thousands books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and... mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

My father walked to school, 4'oclock every morning. With no shoes on. Up a hill, both ways in 5 feet of snow, and he was thankful.

Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.

I asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic, he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra.