Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 4
When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra.
What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.
I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.
The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.
Your parents put a curse on you Someday your kids are going to act just like you.