Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 5

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.

What best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.

My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, "You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you."

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic and lower middle economic people are not holding their end in this deal. In the neighborhood that most of us grew up in, parenting is not going on.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

The problem is that your daughter has given her heart to a 15-year-old boy, and a 15-year-old boy does not yet qualify as a human being.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

Every father says the same thing: "Where's your mother?"

I just felt wonderful about that. Just to erase all that mess about,"'Well, I'm either flipping burgers or doing drugs, you know, or getting shot." You know, that kind of a thing.

All children have brain damage!

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.