Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 16

There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.

You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

The food is out of this world!

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother".

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

George Bush says, "Gore's book needs a lot of explaining." Of course, Bush says that about every book.

Again, America is a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.

The Founding Fathers were more deists. If you had to categorize them as anything. There was some sort of moving prime force. But it's an impersonal force. Some people call it Nature. Certainly not this personal god who you have a personal relationship with, who listens to your prayers and answers them, or doesn't. You know, not the silly stuff that most Americans believe because we're such a dumb nation.