Quotes & Jokes by Bo Burnham / page 7

They say, if you want to know what a girl is going to look like, look at her mother, ya know. So I am so glad that I broke up with her, cuz uh, she would been uh, you know... dead.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

I think that God might think I’m gay... what does he know anyway?

I got a safe full of cherries ‘cause I pop it and lock it.

I'm constipated, couldn't give a shit.

Did you poop a virgin? ‘Cause that shit is tight.

I’m a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.

YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.

No one entertains the thought that maybe god does not believe in you.

I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?”<br /> So I didn’t exist.

I masturbate ‘cause I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to FUCK ME.

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.