Bo Burnham Quotes and Jokes


Roses are grey, Violets are a different shade of grey, Lets go chase cars!

Dick's and vagina's are like Coke and Pepsi, I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they both taste the same.

My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me.

I’m circumcised ‘cause I don’t cum from the hood.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.

The average penis length is 5-and-a-half inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who Googles "average penis length" is 3-and-a-half inches.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

When life gets you down, make a comforter.

If Jesus can walk on water can he swim on land?

Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime.

Bono, if you want to help poor people, sell your tinted shades, you cunt.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

I love your eyes and their bluish, brownish, greenish color.