Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 8
I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.
I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
A lot of people were surprised that Ford picked Nelson Rockefeller to run with him. After all, Rocky had tried to get the job of president three times himself. That's like asking Morris the Cat to watch your tuna salad.
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me. And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
Everything Reagan does, Gorbachev does him one better. Reagan wears the flag of his country on his lapel. Gorby wears the map of his country on his forehead.