Bob Hope Quotes and Jokes


I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

Elvis is just a young, clean-cut American boy who does in public what everybody else does in private.

You can always tell when a man's well-informed. His views are pretty much like yours.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine.'

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.