Bob Hope Quotes and Jokes


I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

You can always tell when a man's well-informed. His views are pretty much like yours.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine.'

I ruined my hands in the ring… the referee kept stepping on them.

Elvis is just a young, clean-cut American boy who does in public what everybody else does in private.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.