Bob Hope Quotes and Jokes


I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

You can always tell when a man's well-informed. His views are pretty much like yours.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

Elvis is just a young, clean-cut American boy who does in public what everybody else does in private.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.