Bob Hope Quotes and Jokes


I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

You can always tell when a man's well-informed. His views are pretty much like yours.

Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

Elvis is just a young, clean-cut American boy who does in public what everybody else does in private.

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine.'