Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 11
You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!
I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.
The material comes from whenever you realize that you and someone else have something in common. So any conversation you've had more than once, anything you see happening to you that you see happening to a friend, you go, "Hmmm, that's a situation I can make funny."
You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.
Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.
If you said more words to him than "mommy'll be back", he might know something!
If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what they want to do. When you are raised by two parents, you are constantly watching compromise take place. Just by observing that, it made me a better person.
Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Is it just me, or is he the greasiest nigga you ever seen in your life? Every time Jermaine comes on, I gotta wipe the grease off the screen! Can't see shit! Jermaine must have been on. Even the police can't catch his ass, 'cause every time they try, he just slips out! They be like, "Somebody throw some sand on that nigga! Please!"
When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.