Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 12

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

You got a gun, you don't have to work out.

'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were … every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right.

Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.

It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can't beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!

Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.

I do what I can do when I can do it.

There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.

If you mention to a woman that the song is disgusting and mysoginistic, they all give you the same answer: "He ain't talking 'bout me!" Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick … He said your name! "No, he didn't!" Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick …

I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.