Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 12
I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.
I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie.
'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were … every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right.
Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!
It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can't beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.
Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.
I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.
Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was to be a teenager. Boy, was I wrong.
My favorite song right now is impossible to defend. It's impossible. We should all be ashamed of ourselves for liking this fucking song. Lil Jon. You know that shit: "To the window! To the wall! [crowd sings along] 'Till the sweat drip from my balls! Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet!" You go to clubs, you see girls dance to that shit. "Till the sweat drip from my balls! Till the sweat drip from my balls! From my balls! From my balls! My balls! Skeet, Skeet Skeet!" I feel sorry for the guys that gotta pick a wife out of this bunch. It's like, "Daddy, where'd you meet Mommy?" "Oh, she was singing about balls at a club. Skeet, skeet, skeet!"