Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 12

Is it just me, or is he the greasiest nigga you ever seen in your life? Every time Jermaine comes on, I gotta wipe the grease off the screen! Can't see shit! Jermaine must have been on. Even the police can't catch his ass, 'cause every time they try, he just slips out! They be like, "Somebody throw some sand on that nigga! Please!"

I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

I always say there's no more little girls, just boys with breasts. Girls act like boys nowadays. Teenage girls, they go after boys. They're predatory just like boys. My goal is to keep my girls, girls.

Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.

Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.

I do what I can do when I can do it.

'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were … every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can't beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.