Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 12

Is it just me, or is he the greasiest nigga you ever seen in your life? Every time Jermaine comes on, I gotta wipe the grease off the screen! Can't see shit! Jermaine must have been on. Even the police can't catch his ass, 'cause every time they try, he just slips out! They be like, "Somebody throw some sand on that nigga! Please!"

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

You got a gun, you don't have to work out.

Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.

'Cause every woman in here, ever since you were … every guy you met has been trying to fuck you. That's right.

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can't beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.

If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!

Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.

There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.

Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was to be a teenager. Boy, was I wrong.

By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.

I do what I can do when I can do it.