Quotes & Jokes by Chris Rock / page 13

I always say there's no more little girls, just boys with breasts. Girls act like boys nowadays. Teenage girls, they go after boys. They're predatory just like boys. My goal is to keep my girls, girls.

If you mention to a woman that the song is disgusting and mysoginistic, they all give you the same answer: "He ain't talking 'bout me!" Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick … He said your name! "No, he didn't!" Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick …

Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was to be a teenager. Boy, was I wrong.

I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.

By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.

Women would rule the world - if only they'd stop bitchin' about each other.

You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

It's no different. It's not like I ever cursed around my mother or anything. I never had a hard time turning it on and off. It's like you enter another country - sometimes you're in a cursing country and then you're in a kid's country.

George Bush hates midgets.

You know, just right place right time, lucked up. Thank God for animation. I can turn down a lot of movies now.

The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.

I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.