Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 14
If somebody calls and messes with you on the phone like that you don't become terrified, you mess back. If somebody calls and was like "have you checked the children?" I'd be like "I killed them!"
Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
It was a personal achievement of mine to get on David Letterman. When I got there, I knew things were really happening for me.
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
One night after a show he gave me a gift. When I opened up the bag, he had made out of clay and dried macaroni a model of the universe with the planets and everything. Then in the middle of the model was an action figure with my face on it. I was the center of his universe.
I’m making a porno film today. Well, kinda. There’s no sex or people in it. It’s mainly time lapse video of landscapes eroding over time.
I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.